With the release of Casino Royale in 2006, the James Bond franchise had what a lot of people called a ‘soft reboot’. It seemed to be a new start for the character, with the opening of the film showing part of his origin. However, with Judi Dench continuing on in the role of M, the new Daniel Craig Bond seemed to still be in the old continuity. With the release of Skyfall in 2012 (spoiler warning I suppose?), this was finally done away with, in favour of a completely fresh start. With a new M, a new Q and a new Moneypenny, the franchise seemed to have committed to the reboot, and was ready to get back to its roots. All of that is undone in SPECTRE.

This is the creepiest and most unrealistic sex scene since Jeremy Irons clawed his lover to climax in Die Hard With a Vengeance

The 24th film in the franchise, SPECTRE sees the return of the series’ most famous antagonists, the evil organisation of the same name. Through a message from his past, Bond starts to discover the secrets of the organisation. That’s pretty much all that can be explained about the plot without ruining any of the ‘surprises’.

I don’t know where to begin with how bad the film is, so prepare yourself for a list. The characters are stupid, and do things that are completely out of character. The script feels unfinished, with a lot of the dialogue sounding as if it was written by a child. The action is boring, with all but one of the set pieces being completely uninspired. The sound mixing is poor, the acting is questionable, with most actors playing parodies of roles they’ve played before, the jokes are poorly times and not funny, and there’s a technology in the film that’s more ridiculous and less plausible than an invisible car. Oh, and the title sequence is mind-blowing-ly terrible, and not just because of the dire song – they seemed to think it would be appropriate to put tentacle porn in a Bond film, and no, that’s not an exaggeration.

Somehow they made this boring

This quite simply isn’t a Bond film. It doesn’t feel like Bond, it doesn’t look like Bond, and it doesn’t play out like Bond. All of this could be forgiven if it was good in other areas, but it really isn’t. There are some nice shots, particularly the first long take of the film, and Ben Whishaw, Dave Bautista and Andrew Scott are all decent in their roles, but that’s really it. This also has one of the most disappointing, ridiculous and anticlimactic final sequence in not just the Bond franchise, but in any film.