It’s that time of the year again. Time to pick our least favourite films of the year and what a year. We’ve had some huge disappointments and terrible remakes.
Here are our lists of our worst 5 films of 2016:
Paterson definitely takes the award for the most self-important pile of meaningless garbage, which is summed up by the main character’s ‘poetry’, which at first I thought was meant to be bad on purpose, but it later turned out was actually meant to be good. Jem and the Holograms, on the other hand, was just a worthless remake, with no ties to the original property apart from the name. It also doesn’t help that thinking about any aspect of it for even a few seconds reveals that no part of the plot makes sense.
Barbershop: A Fresh Cut was just a badly acted, sloppily directed, tonally jarring bore until one of the characters actively started defending paedophilia (if you don’t believe me, go and watch the film, actually no, no don’t do that to yourself).
The Neon Demon was similar to Paterson in that it thought it was a masterpiece, but it lacked any substance, and it could have been a fantastic, semi-factual exposé of the modelling industry. It also descended into ridiculousness when (spoiler alert for The Neon Demon) some of the characters eat the main character, and then the next day one of them throws up her fully intact, undigested eyeball, only to have somebody else eat it.
Finally, we reach Point Break. Every film on this list so far could at least in some way be described as a film, but not so for Point Break. It was simply a series of badly filmed, unexciting extreme sports sequences, barely connected by some of the most poorly acted drama put on screen this year. How can something that costs over $100 million to make be this bad? It can’t. How bad this film defies all logic.
- Batman V Superman
- Suicide Squad
- Finding Dory
- Batman V Superman
- Suicide Squad
- Zoolander 2
- Rogue One
I wasn’t a huge fan of Man of Steel, so when I heard that Zack Snyder was doing a following up I had zero expectations that it was going to be anything other than bad. I was proved right! It was just ridiculous and none of it made any sense. I didn’t even know why Wonder Woman was even in this movie.
I was super excited when I heard that they were doing a Suicide Squad film. But it did not live up to expectations. I felt that Jared Leto was totally underutilised in his role as the Joker and they didn’t elaborate on any of the characters apart from Deadshot, which is only because he was played by Will Smith. In my opinion, I don’t even think he is the most interesting of the characters. They missed a real chance to show that DC can keep up with Marvel, especially as DC have some of the best villains and it just fell completely flat.
Keanu wasn’t all bad. the kitten is cute, and I am usually a fan of Key and Peele. I just was not blown away by it. I felt it was all a bit over the top, but I guess that is the point with the double acts type of comedy. I feel it works best with shorter sketches than it does with an entire film.
Having being late to the bandwagon with Zoolander only watching it about an hour before seeing Zoolander 2, I didn’t really get it. I felt that it was pretty dated and I don’t think I laughed once.
I know that having Rogue One on my five worst films is quite controversial, however, I was extremely excited to see this film and I had heard only good things. I don’t know if my expectations were too high, but I was really disappointed. I really wanted to like it, but I felt bored, and that everything was rushed so that the characters were all flat and had no substance to them.
- Jem and the Holograms
- Fifty Shades of Black
- Friend Request
- Independence Day: Resurgence
- Ride Along 2
- The Neon Demon
- The Other Side of the Door
- A Bigger Splash
- Suicide Squad
Yep, that’s right. I’m doing a bottom ten list! TEN! 2016 has been a year of great films, but there’s been so much absolute pig swill released in the cinemas this year, I simply couldn’t bear to let any off the hook!
Big summer blockbusters were regular offenders as usual, with both Suicide Squad and Independence Day: Resurgence leading the pack. Squad was a mess from start to finish, the deformed offspring of interfering studio execs and bad market research. The fact that it failed to capitalise on its original premise and instead tried desperately to copy the tone and style of much better superhero movies speaks volumes about just how disappointing it was. Will Smith made the best move possible by appearing in Squad as opposed to the Independence Day sequel, which turned out as expected – an idiotic, misjudged and altogether dull affair no one asked for! Is there anything worse than a film that solely exists to exploit fan nostalgia? The answer is no (more on this later).
On the opposite end of the spectrum sits pretentious bilge like The Neon Demon and A Bigger Splash – horrible, un-engaging, flashy pictures that reeked of their own self-importance. Zero plot, zero characters, but hey, don’t worry – we have multiple shots of Tilda Swinton’s tits bathed in glorious sunshine and a bit where someone coughs up an undigested eyeball! Style over substance never makes a great film, people! Give us a decent story and interesting characters instead, please. Thank you.
2016 saw some great horror films on offer, but then someone had to go and ruin it by releasing Friend Request and The Other Side of the Door – lazy, unoriginal, paint-by-numbers horror movies with no atmosphere or inventive scares. Comedy also took a turn for the worse with the release of Ride Along 2 and Fifty Shades of Black – one a tired, stone-faced rehash of its predecessor, the other a godawful parody of 2015’s Fifty Shades of Grey, a monstrosity which somehow managed to do the impossible and suck worse than the film it was meant to be parodying!
#WszystkoGra doesn’t bear thinking about, let alone discussing in-depth. Polish musical, bad plotting, songs about buses, half finished, crap! But the top spot for worst film of 2016 goes to Jem and the Holograms, a film so unbearably awful I actually intentionally smacked my head on the cinema seat in front of me out of frustration (true story, ask Todd James if you don’t believe me)! A horrible, lifeless, middle finger to fans of the 80’s cartoon of the same name, this soulless cash-in had little to do with the source material, instead weaving a sickly-sweet and uninspiring tale of pretentious teenagers finding internet fame, whilst also going on a treasure hunt with beatboxing robot at the same time. It’s as mind-numbingly boring, ridiculous and uninspiring as it sounds, and we can only hope that everyone involved in making this so-called movie never work in Hollywood again.
Judging by it’s Box Office numbers, that’s at least looking likely. Happy 2017 everyone!
And that’s a wrap. What were your least favourite films of 2016? Please share in the comments below.
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